Heart Attach

Everything changed for me on December 22, 2013. 

We were in the middle of a power outage due to a severe ice storm in Toronto. I had not slept because the house was very cold. In the early morning I went out to the front door to see my husband attempting to get a layer of ice off the windshield of his car. It was strange to see him try to pull out the driveway since there was a tree atop both of our cars. 

The neighborhood looked like a beautiful but eerie place in the dark. Seeing everything covered in ice made the world look like a giant ice sculpture.

After my husband managed to leave, I realized that I would need my car
the next day to go to work. So I decided not to wait for my husband. I
found a saw and started to cut the tree into pieces. My neighbor came out with a large pair of pruning shears. So I began cutting and sawing away.

Soon after, I started feeling pressure in the center of my chest. I
tried to ignore it, thinking it was probably from the cold or
exertion. After another 30 minutes I decided to go inside and lie down

I am a registered nurse so I was looking at this from a position of a
healer, not a patient. Medics are known for their tendency to dish out
advice to others but not use it on themselves. Doctors and nurses are
notoriously "bad" patients.

After a few hours, I started feeling shortness of breath, light
headiness and tightness in both sides of my throat. My family was very
concerned. After a while, I finally relented and we called the EMT
service. As they arrived I started feeling a sharper pain on the left
side of my chest.

The first blood work in the emergency room, after being transported
via ambulance, came back normal. I felt bad that I had made a big deal
out of nothing. Yet, my second blood enzymes came back slightly
elevated small MI (myocardial infarct or heart attack.) The third
enzymes came back with a definite diagnosis of HEART ATTACK!

My head was spinning. This did not seem right, I'm not ready for
this...I'm not old enough ...this can't be.. I have things to do...
work to go to ... I do not have time to stay here!!!

Yet, hospital is exactly where I stayed for almost a week. My family
was not used to me being away from home and wanted to stay close to me
in the hospital instead of being home without me. Seeing the sad,
tired, weary, concerned look on my husband's face all week made it
clear that he was not ready for this either.

It was then that I realized that this had to be a new beginning....
not the beginning of the end...but the REAL beginning.

I decided to change the course of my thinking from a potential feeling
of depression to a new opportunity of a fresh start. Since I was not
allowed to do many of my routine activities, I had lots of time to
think and 'listen' to myself. I also had time to spend with friends
and family who came to see me. We sat down, without being rushed and
had long heart to heart conversations. Of course, my old self would
be running around doing things in the kitchen and then lament about
missing the most important conversations.

People that came to talk to me were affected as well. It made everyone
stop and think about not taking their lives for granted.

This heart attack MADE me stop, reflect and listen to my own thoughts.
I started feeling positive, thankful, philosophical and spiritual. It
was empowering to realize that we are not always in control of
situations but are only responsible for our response to them.

I decided to write some of the lessons down. I hope you will find them
useful to trigger your own thoughts about more meaningful life. Some
of the ideas are very specific to me. While I write from the
perspective of a religious Jewish woman, I think these ideas can be
applied to anyone with their own ideas of spirituality. 

The title of these ideas is "A Wake Up Call"

· I don't have to do everything.

· Its okay just being myself.

· I am valuable just as I am.

· I don't have to be perfect.

· My to do list does not define me.

· My worth is not measured by how much I accomplish in a day.

· I need to learn to understand myself in order to take care of myself.

· I must take the time to stop and listen to my own thoughts.

· I need to find joy and satisfaction in everything I do.

· I need to live in the present not ruminate about the past and not worry about the future.

· I need to know that GOD has my back and if I stop fighting HIS guidance I will find the right solution.

· Sabbath is for reminder that BEING is just as good or better than DOING.

· I need to slow down, stop and listen to what people around me have to say.

· I need to hear what people around me truly want and not assume that I know what's best.

· I can open doors but can't force anyone to enter.

· I can sometimes help others more by just letting them figure it out themselves.

· If I help others too much I will render them helpless since doing less for them sometimes helps them more.

· Remember the story of the butterfly, if you help it break out of its cocoon, its wings will not get strong from the struggle and it will not be able to fly.

· I need to make choices based on more accurate information, by learning more about myself - not by being guided by guilt or unrealistic expectations that I have of myself or perceive others have about me.

· I need to take care of my health, exercise on a regular basis; 3 times per week for 30 minutes consistently.

· I need to monitor my stress levels and realize that being stressed will not change anything except increase anxieties and blood pressure.

· Learn to recognize what I can and cannot control.

· I need to forgive myself and let it go of pain.

· Live in the moment without regretting the past or thinking about what has not happened yet.

· The past, present and future are a progression of life. We can only stand on the stepping stone of the present.

At my next appointment my doctor noticed that I was having an unusual reaction to having a heart attack. He was surprised that unlike most people who feel depressed after such a health failure, I was experiencing very positive emotions.

Of course, to keep the positive changes in our lives is a constant
life-long project but NOW is the time to start.

 

 

 

Full story coming soon on hearttoheartwithsharon.com blog For comments email sharon@hearttoheartwithsharon.com